getting a little personal

Normally I like to use this blog to let you know about whats happening in China, what cool adventures I'm going on or how cool the students are.  But, I keep finding myself "writing" pretty personal entries in my head, but they are copied into my journal instead.  But then I think, I don't know who even really reads this, so for the handful of people that do (let me know who you are!), they can endure some of my more personal thoughts occasionally.

Sitting in my room I am surrounded by warmth.  A blanket to curl up with and candles flickering on my desk.  Pictures of family and friends adorning the wall and Christmas cards hung with more ready to be opened.  I have everything I need in this little space (really...it's pretty tiny), actually more than I need.  Why is is that I find myself wanting more?  The part of me that longs for a house or even just an apartment that I can decorate to my hearts content.  A kitchen that I can cook in, with a full sized oven for baking cookies and a dishwasher.  I want so much to meet the man God has made for me and to become his wife.  To have someone to cook for, care about and love, and have someone who will act as the leader, loving and guiding me.  I want for the day to come that I am able to stay at home with my children and teach them to love and serve others and about the God who loves them more than anything.  These are huge desires of my heart that I have to believe will one day be fulfilled.

But it never fails that (eventually) I sit back and smile of laugh because the life I am living right now is pretty incredible.  How many people can say they are in China with the opportunity to share Gods love with hundreds of students each month.  How many people live in a community of believers who will always support and encourage you.  how man people hear the God's call on their life but do not respond, for they are too afraid.

It is really amazing to be here because I know that it is right where God wants me to be, even if I don't know the end to this story.  I find comfort in the fact that I am surrounded by warmth.  That opportunities come up like hearing Francis Chan (the author of Crazy Love) speak at the international church.  He spoke of many things that resonated in my heart but began with the feeling that you get when you are among the family of believers.  That when the family is joined together love and joy should radiate from them so others can see a glimpse of God here on this earth.  

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.  Anyone who does not love does not know God because God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.  In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent is Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.  No one has ever seen God; if we love one another God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.                        -1st John 4:7-12    

No one has seen God, but his love is perfected in us.  His love shines through us when we love him how we were made to.  When we love in community and serve others above ourselves the world will be able to glimpse God while on earth.  

I don't know what the future holds, so until I hear the next steps I can continue to love so that others might see and believe.  I will live a life wrapped in the warmth that I am loved by the savior and that is all I really ever need.